As many of you know, the Mariners slogan for 2011 was “Ready to play.” This “Ready to play” concept failed for the Mariners in 2011, because as many of you know, they were most certainly not ready to play. So I thought it was time the Mariners really started being honest with their slogans, which is where I come in. I decided to come up with some slogans for 2012, just to help out the Mariners front office.
9. “We got rid of Jack Cust for you”
No need to fret kids, Safeco Field security finally caught him.
You don’t have to worry about your rally fries getting stolen between innings anymore. Problem solved.
READ MORE 2012 SLOGANS AFTER THE JUMP!
8. “Your kids will love it here”
Because your 3-year old kid who is pigging out on fries really cares about Chone Figgins grounding out.
7. “We for surely win 20% of the time”
Felix pitches every fifth day. That should be enough for you.
6. “We have Hydroplanes”
It’s what the kids come to the park for. Not to watch Miguel Olivo pop out, heck no. They come to watch that evil yellow hydroplane steal the win from the innocent green hydroplane while riding on the back of an orca whale.
That’s what the kids are into these days. Believe it.
5. “Believe Small”
Because if you believe small, your expectations will be lower.
4. “The hitting can’t get any worse”
No really, it can’t. We were last in practically every single offensive category last year.
3. “Our sushi did not give Franklin Gutierrez food poisoning”
I’ve always wondered what Safeco Field sushi (or to be specific, their “Ichirolls”) tastes like, but I’m not going to find out anytime soon…
2. “Witness history”
Rumor has it that Eric Wedge will at some point this season punch Chone Figgins in the face, which I have to believe would be a first for a major league manager. History in the making.
1. “We Have Bobbleheads”
Except this season we’re giving out a bobblehead every night! 82 total!
Select bobbleheads range from the slick Jack Zduriencik one to the oversized Ryan Divish one. Oh, and don’t forget the Dave Sims one! It even comes with hat accessories!
But perhaps the most valuable bobblehead is a blast from past: Richie Sexson. This amazing piece of art comes with a remote controlled arm, so if you’re mad at someone, just activate the arm and it’ll start punching your enemy! Yay!
– Nathan Parsons (@NathanParsons98)