Editor’s Note: Yankees fan and Seattle sports fan (is that possible?) Michael Fletcher starts his weekly humor column for SeaTown Sports. It’s his first try in what will hopefully be a mainstay on the blog. If you have a name for this column that’s better than ‘Unsportsmanlike Conduct,’ leave us your suggestion in the comments.
Top Three of the Week: Chone Sightings
Chone Figgins, yet another player that proves that hitters come to Safeco to die, is quickly becoming a ghost on the Mariners. Still though, the Mariners are throwing $9.5 million down the Chonerator this year, which comes out to $58,642 a game. It sounds like Chone needs to find some way to earn that money every time he rides the pine. Here are the top three ways he can pay back the Mariners:
3. Stay away from Dustin Ackley. The Chone disease could be contagious.
2. Campaign for a rename and relocation of the Mendoza line at .190 called the “Figgins for a benching line.” Any press is good press… Right?
1. Sponsor Chone Figgins knitted cap night by personally knitting every hat while in the dugout.
More giggles after the jump.
Excuse me? Excuses.
In honor of the North Korean Womens Soccer coach, who had one of the best excuses in the history of sports (he claimed that six of his players were struck by lightning a month before their match against the U.S), it felt necessary to find alternative reasons for some of Seattle’s recent failings.
Ichiro was left off the all-star roster for the first time in his career. Apparently the whole country of Japan lost Wi-Fi for the last two weeks of voting.
Doug Fister has pitched three complete games this season and lost all three. The M’s line-up attributes the lack of run support for Fister to rampant seasonal affective disorder. Perhaps the recent change in weather will change Fister’s luck.
Freddy Montero missed a penalty kick against the Los Angeles Galaxy that would have given the Sounders a 1-0 victory. Have some sympathy for the guy though; he’s been losing a lot of sleep over his lady Colombians loss to the Americans in the World Cup. In other news, it’s been said that had Montero hustled any harder against Los Angeles, he might have broken a sweat.
Isaiah Thomas had his draft party at Club Republiq Sunday Night. Unfortunately he was turned away at the door because the bouncer thought he was some punk high school kid who still thought Republiq was a teen club. Rumor has it Thomas had to party it up at Club K Town. Hopefully his small stature won’t have the same effects on the court and shorten his NBA career.
The WNBA Cares… Do you?
The Storm visited the White House recently to be honored for their 2010 WNBA championship. Strangely, the players were surprised to be greeted not by President Obama but by an Obama impersonator, and a poor one at that. In response, the commissioner of the WNBA announced that the league will take a page out of the book of the NBA by incorporating the “NBA Cares” campaign into its new motto, “Please Care.”
–Michael Fletcher (@mfletch129)